By DYLAN LATORE – Once again we approach the time of year where Valentine’s Day is waiting just around the corner, possibly armed with a baseball bat and a fresh can of pepper spray to destroy your romantic hopes and dreams. But, this is exactly the attitude that deters most teen romantics from spilling their heart out onto a poorly cut construction paper heart attached to a crumpled, love themed, fun-size pack of M&M’s™ candy.
Nevertheless, there have got to be ways to overcome your fears and win the heart of that special someone. So put your feet up, throw on some music to set the mood, and take notes.
First off, confidence is key. But, before you come swinging from the rafters, armed only with an adult diaper, a bow, and actual lethal arrows that you have attached hearts to the end of, remember to keep it to a reasonable level. While of course, you don’t want to fearfully squeak out every word of your proposal, and then visually cringe while awaiting the response; you also don’t want to come off as a jerk. If the ‘I don’t care’ attitude is your way of enticement, then why should the other party member care as well? But hey, if you are familiar enough with your valentine candidate to know that wearing a diaper and swinging from the rafter would work, then go for it. But if not, then consider keeping it on the safe side of things.
Personalization, personalization, personalization. While I’m in no way saying that your cardstock valentine of Lightning McQueen saying, “You make my heart go Ka-Chow!” isn’t a winner, you may want to consider making the valentine more personalized. Seeing that you put a bit of thought into it can go a long way. Once again though, don’t go overboard. While making a pun out of their social security number and their mother’s maiden name might seem like a good idea in your head, it probably won’t be received the way you hoped it might.
Know what tone to go for. What I mean by this is decide whether to keep it lighthearted and maybe even humorous, or heartfelt, poetic, and sappy. It’s definitely hard to not puke up your feelings like word vomit at a moment’s notice, but if your valentine candidate is only mildly acquainted with you, receiving a poem discussing the floorplan of your future child’s bedroom can be very off-putting. So make sure you know the person you plan on pursuing this Valentine’s Day, and decide what kind of tone would be best.
Lastly, there is always the possibility of rejection. The sinister demon that always sits in the back of your head every time you think about making a risky move. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that they say no. Even on top of that, hardly anybody would be rude about rejecting someone in the first place. It’s flattering! If your valentine candidate’s rejection is rude, then you are the lucky one for not getting stuck with someone as empathetic as a rock. So this Valentine’s Day, suit up in red, pop your chalky heart candies like breath mints, and keep all of this in mind when asking that special someone, “Will you be my valentine?”
[PHOTO BY DYLAN LATORE]
