By WILEY FRUMKIN – I think one thing about 2016 that people could actually agree on is that it was one heck of a ride. Drama and scandals on top of the political circus that was the presidential election. Highs and lows hit us hard in 2016 but I have some predictions that may give us some hope for the upcoming year. Here are some things I think will happen in 2017.
- Riff Raff’s Fame Rockets: D-List celebrity Host Christian Simco, better known as Riff Raff, will surprise everyone with his improved rap skills. Senior Isabella Williams says, “ I don’t think Riff Raff will become radio popular, but I do think he will become popular in the underground rap scene.” He also bulked up and joined WWE, where he will steal the hearts of America.
- Queen of England DEAD: I mean, is this really a surprise? The woman is 90 and the average life span of a woman living in the U.K is 80, so you do the math.
- Canada Gets Mean: Everyone knows that Canadians have a reputation for being some of the nicest people in the world. That’s all about to change. With all the people that have claimed that they’re moving to Canada, it’s going to become over-crowded. This will make Canadians very angry.
- Something bad on SNL: Not sure what will happen, but it’s not only going to be bad, but it’s also going to be live. Uh-oh.
- Hate crimes drop universally: Aside from in Canada, everyone in the world is just going to get tired of being evil. 2017 is going to be a year of hope and change.
- Obama drops mixtape / change in career: Now that Barack Obama isn’t our President anymore he is going to have a lot of free time on his hands. “I think Obama is going to be a janitor at the White House to keep an eye on Trump.” says junior Allison Rayko. A lot of speculation has been about him becoming an actor, but Americans just aren’t ready for the sick beats he’s going to drop.
- James Franco does poorly: I love James Franco. A lot. But I’m picking up some bad vibes about this boy. He’s been a little off-edge and crazy the last few years, but this year might just be his breaking point in terms of crazy. Who knows what this could bring.
- Antarctica becomes most popular travel destination: Oh snap! Uh oh! Temperatures are rising. This is bad. Right?…. Wrong! This is great for the large continent of Antarctica. Travel there will become insanely popular because of these rising temperatures.
- Mr. Nath midlife crisis: Talk about over the hill. Junior Keegan Ryan says, “I think Mr.Nath is going to fall in love with death metal music. He’s been a little edgy lately and needs to channel it somehow.” We all knew this was coming. Maybe Mr. Dunlap will hold his hand while he gets his nose pierced.
So, maybe it won’t be so bad. Let’s keep our hopes up about what’s to come in 2017, and forget all the things that let us down last year.